Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas!

...and Happy Holidays!

Hope Santa brought you whatever it is that you wanted.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

A toast to those who cannot be home with friends and family.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Jersey City Councilman Wizzing on the Public

We knew our government was pissing on us.

It just wasn't THIS literal before.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Quote of the Day...

..week, month, whatever.

This one is from Thomas Edison.
Taken from a Museum near Berkshire, Mass.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Some funny

How to turn a Ticket into an Arrest.

Monday, November 3, 2008

THE TOP 10 Reasons TO Vote for McCain!

Some of you may or may not remember THIS post back in January. Well, I’ve updated it a little to:

THE TOP 10 Reasons TO Vote for McCain!
10. He’s not a Socialist.
9. He’s not a Communist.
8. McCain will only take a little of your hard-earned money instead of all of it.
7. Whether you like McCain or not, The Gipper would have voted for him.
6. Jo’Bama or McCalin isn’t that tough of a choice to make.
5. Terrorists fear John. I heard he once killed one with his bare hands.
4. Wait, that was Fred. Nevermind.
3. Don would have made THIS SIGN for nothing.
2. McCain really isn’t THAT old. Noah was like 500 years old when he built the Ark.
1. I still want to WIN the war.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

They Must Be Getting Desperate

Had my McCain/Palin sign stolen out of my front yard last night. They didn't take the Dole or the McCrory signs, just the McCain/Palin. Got my neighbor's as well.

When something like this comes to rural America I can only think of one thing: they're getting desperate.

But I think the new, handmade sign will make more of a statement then the one I bought.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Best Fortune Cookie

Found this little gem in my dessert today:

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Monday, October 27, 2008

Just a little something

To get my ugly mug off the top of the page.

I call

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Meh. Before.

Your turn, buddy.

Protest Warrior Store Liquidation

Not sure why, but the guys over at are closing the store.

Go buy something!!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The book order has been placed

In a unilateral exertion of my executive power, I rounded up the amount to $130.
A few pledges haven't cleared yet. As soon as they do, I'll have a frakkin' math post.
Then I'm going back to being a beer tender.

A quandary

I just got an email from Bill and he's willing to provide the books at cost. So the total, including shipping, is only $125. So we have about $345 extra bucks.
(I should have mentioned earlier that Paypal charges a 3.2% transaction fee, so our total is a bit less than $470)
So, refunds?
Or take kulak's idea and donate the balance to Soldiers' Angels or some other group?
Just let me know.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Mr. Paules' Classroom - $470.00

Mark William Paules is a high school teacher.
That's his day job.
But he is, first and foremost, a patriot.
In a rare attempt to combine these two avocations, he made this appeal
"I need 20 copies of "Silent America" for my classroom. The school is broke, but I think we can raise the money right on a thread if you're willing. How about a pledge week for Mr. Paules' classroom?"

To that end, we have started the MPC ("Mr Paules' Classroom") pledge drive.
Please use the paypal button on the left sidebar to donate. To keep things on the up and up, I will note all donations in comments to this post. If you wish to remain anonymous, please say so in the "description" field of your donation. If you make a donation and don't see it noted in the comments please let me know. daddyquatro_at_gmail_dot com.

Can we do it!
Yes we can!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

For rufus

"What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play"

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Join the Piranha Party!

...or else.

Here's their logo:
Wear it with pride, you pygocentrus nattereri!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Who knew a national anthem could rawk?

Australians all let us rejoice,
For we are young and free;
We’ve golden soil and wealth for toil;
Our home is girt by sea;
Our land abounds in nature’s gifts
Of beauty rich and rare;
In history’s page, let every stage
Advance Australia Fair.
In joyful strains then let us sing,
Advance Australia Fair.

Beneath our radiant Southern Cross
We’ll toil with hearts and hands;
To make this Commonwealth of ours
Renowned of all the lands;
For those who’ve come across the seas
We’ve boundless plains to share;
With courage let us all combine
To Advance Australia Fair.
In joyful strains then let us sing,
Advance Australia Fair.

Oh holy crap!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Saturday, August 2, 2008


Hat Tip. Lan Astaslem.

Anyone remember this one?

Crank it UP!
I love the scat, three minutes in.
And the cat at 3:50 is a bonus.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Help the poor! Buy more yachts and helicopters and buildings that need networks and servers that work!

The article below was a fwd to me from someone who shall remain nameless because she would kill me if I put her name here. Anyway, it had me steaming and pulling out what little hair I have left. Thought I’d share. Try to make it to the end in one piece. My response is below the article.

Billionaires up, America down
By Holly Sklar, McClatchy-Tribune News ServiceSunday, October 21, 2007
When it comes to producing billionaires, America is doing great.Until 2005, multimillionaires could still make the Forbes list of the 400 richest Americans. In 2006, the Forbes 400 went billionaires only.
This year, you'd need a Forbes 482 to fit all the billionaires.
A billion dollars is a lot of dough. Queen Elizabeth II, British monarch for five decades, would have to add $400 million to her $600 million fortune to reach $1 billion. And she'd need another $300 million to reach the Forbes 400 minimum of $1.3 billion. The average Forbes 400 member has $3.8 billion.When the Forbes 400 began in 1982, it was dominated by oil and manufacturing fortunes. Today, says Forbes, "Wall Street is king."Nearly half the 45 new members, says Forbes, "made their fortunes in hedge funds and private equity. Money manager John Paulson joins the list after pocketing more than $1 billion short-selling subprime credit this summer."The 25th anniversary of the Forbes 400 isn't party time for America.We have a record 482 billionaires — and record foreclosures.We have a record 482 billionaires — and a record 47 million people without any health insurance.Since 2000, we have added 184 billionaires — and 5 million more people living below the poverty line.The official poverty threshold for one person was a ridiculously low $10,294 in 2006. That won't get you two pounds of caviar ($9,800) and 25 cigars ($730) on the Forbes Cost of Living Extremely Well Index. The $20,614 family-of-four poverty threshold is lower than the cost of three months of home flower arrangements ($24,525).Wealth is being redistributed from poorer to richer.Between 1983 and 2004, the average wealth of the top 1 percent of households grew by 78 percent, reports Edward Wolff, professor of economics at New York University. The bottom 40 percent lost 59 percent.In 2004, one out of six households had zero or negative net worth. Nearly one out of three households had less than $10,000 in net worth, including home equity. That's before the mortgage crisis hit.In 1982, when the Forbes 400 had just 13 billionaires, the highest paid CEO made $108 million and the average full-time worker made $34,199, adjusted for inflation in $2006. Last year, the highest paid hedge fund manager hauled in $1.7 billion, the highest paid CEO made $647 million, and the average worker made $34,861, with vanishing health and pension coverage.The Forbes 400 is even more of a rich men's club than when it began. The number of women has dropped from 75 in 1982 to 39 today.The 400 richest Americans have a conservatively estimated $1.54 trillion in combined wealth. That amount is more than 11 percent of our $13.8 trillion Gross Domestic Product (GDP) — the total annual value of goods and services produced by our nation of 303 million people. In 1982, Forbes 400 wealth measured less than 3 percent of U.S. GDP.And the rich, notes Fortune magazine, "give away a smaller share of their income than the rest of us."Thanks to mega-tax cuts, the rich can afford more mega-yachts, accessorized with helicopters and mini-submarines. Meanwhile, the infrastructure of bridges, levees, mass transit, parks and other public assets inherited from earlier generations of taxpayers crumbles from neglect, and the holes in the safety net are growing.The top 1 percent of households — average income $1.5 million — will save a collective $79.5 billion on their 2008 taxes, reports Citizens for Tax Justice. That's more than the combined budgets of the Transportation Department, Small Business Administration, Environmental Protection Agency and Consumer Product Safety Commission.Tax cuts will save the top 1 percent a projected $715 billion between 2001 and 2010. And cost us $715 billion in mounting national debt plus interest.The children and grandchildren of today's underpaid workers will pay for the partying of today's plutocrats and their retinue of lobbyists.It's time for Congress to roll back tax cuts for the wealthy and close the loophole letting billionaire hedge fund speculators pay taxes at a lower rate than their secretaries.Inequality has roared back to 1920s levels. It was bad for our nation then. It's bad for our nation now.Holly Sklar is co-author of "A Just Minimum Wage: Good for Workers, Business and Our Future" and "Raise the Floor: Wages and Policies That Work for All of Us."

The above article disregards basic economics. The author pokes fun at the billionaires that buy yachts and helicopters, yet ignores the fact that those yachts and helicopters are built by regular "Joe's" like me.She cites the foreclosure rates, but fails to mention the cause: people spending beyond their means. I don't own a $400,000 home because I know damn well that I can't afford one. But some day I will - as long as billionaires keep buying yachts and helicopters and building offices that need networks and servers that work.
Oh and by the way - Washington keeps 28% of my salary. Before I even see it. Wouldn't that money be put to better use if I spent it on a yacht rather than on some stupid Government project that never even gets off the ground?
Healthcare - oh, boy. Since WHEN is this considered some basic human right or something? I have health insurance because I have a job. My employer is nice enough to offer it, and pay a part of it - but they don't have to. I pay $400 a month for it, too. Even though I'm not sick enough to cost that much. Why is it so expensive? Because people without a job fall down and go boom, too. And hospitals cannot refuse to treat them. Who pays for it? I DO!!! I'm not saying that I mind all that much - I'm all for helping people in need - but I don't want the Government in charge of it. It would only cost more!
Investments - What is an investment? It's a bet. A gamble. That's it. Anyone can buy. There's no secret club you have to join. You just need the start-up capitol, and be willing to risk it. Fine, raise taxes on investors. Who will it hurt? ME!!! I have EARNED the money that I invest. And I have therefore EARNED the money I gain by investing it into companies that employ people who build yachts and helicopters and buildings that need networks and servers that work.

I wonder how much Holly Sklar made off her stupid book? I sure hope she spends it on yachts or helicopters or buildings that need networks and servers that work.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Cell Phone Poll

Got a call today from a nice lady about a poll from these guys: – on my cell phone. Maybe Verizon sold my number? Anyway - Mostly questions about the Presidential Candidates. Learned more about McCain in the process. He’s pro-Life?? Really? Never would have guessed it.

Favorite questions:

Is McCain too old? He’s 71. Reagan was 70.

Will you consider race when you vote? Not at all.

Do you think Blacks and Whites should be allowed to live together? YES! They already do. Duh!

If you could vote AGAINST a candidate, would you? In other words, I could check “NO” for both!

Many Americans believe it is time for a Three-Party system of government. Do you agree? Well this is silly. There are as many parties as anyone could come up with. They just aren’t as popular. I’d form the AMERICAN BEER DRINKER’S PARTY, but that one’s taken. Whoa! Seems that The Whig Party is still in operation! Against tax, pro-Tariff. Want to base the value of the American dollar on wampum or something. Very confusing. Seems that there is no Ronald Reagan Party yet. That must change. I’ll get to work on that soon.

Disclaimer: McCain’s statements as of late about drilling for oil on our own shores has me re-considering my opinion of the guy. Oh, and sorry – I’m not really forming the Ronald Reagan Party. Too much to live up to.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

OK, I'm done now.

Viva, Selena!

J Lo, You don't hold a candle

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I don't understand a single word

But I know an entertainer when I see one.

Selena at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. 1995

Monday, May 26, 2008

Note to self:

Avoid Montgomery!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Noah in 2008 (via Dougman)

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States , and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save of every living thing along with a few good humans'

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?'

'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord.'The government has beat me to it.'

AMEN !!!

Thanks Dougman!

Monday, May 12, 2008



My fellow Identity-Americans:

As your future President I want to thank my supporters, for their ... support.

Your mindless support of me, despite my complete lack of any legislative achievement, my pastor's relations with Louis Farrakhan and Libyan dictator Moamar Quadafi, or my blatantly leftist voting record while I present myself as some sort of bi-partisan agent of change.

I also like how my supporters claim my youthful drug use and criminal behavior somehow qualifies me for the Presidency after 8 years of claiming Bush's youthful drinking disqualifies him. Your hypocrisy is a beacon of hope shining over a sea of political posing.

I would also like to thank the Kennedy's for coming out in support of me. There's a lot of glamor behind the Kennedy name, even though JFK started the Vietnam War, his brother Robert illegally wiretapped Martin Luther King, Jr. and Teddy killed a female employee he was having an extra marital affair with who was pregnant with his child. And I'm not going anywhere near the cousins, both literally and figuratively.

And I'd like to thank Oprah Winfrey for her support. Her love of meaningless empty platitudes will be the force that propels me to the White House.

Americans should vote for me, not because of my lack of experience or achievement, but because I make people feel good. Voting for me causes some white folk to feel relieved of their imagined, racist guilt.

I say things that sound meaningful, but don't really mean anything because Americans are tired of things having meaning. If things have meaning, then that means you have to think about them.

Americans are tired of thinking.

It's time to shut down the brain, and open up the heart.

So when you go to vote in the primaries, remember don't think, just do.

And do it for me.


Text from GHS (I changed the last line)
Picture from "the internet"
If you own that picture, please let me know. One should always acknowledge genius.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Like, Wow!

Monday, April 28, 2008

A sad story finally comes to an end.

After being MIA for four years, Keith "Matt" Maupin has been returned to his parents, and to an outpouring of support on a scale that's just incredible.

Matt Maupin was declared to have been killed in a video in 2004, but it was of such poor quality that the military could not verify the identity of the victim. His parents never gave up hope until his remains were found and identified by DNA analysis.

This is one example of how real supporters of our troops show it.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

How it should be done.

The Cactus Cuties.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

For GHS :Part 2

The purest Male voice in country music EVAR! Ignore the Asian hieroglyphs.
"He'll Have to Go" is not only a great song: It's a great lullaby (if you can fake a decent tenor)

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


The purest female voice in Country Music EVAR! This audio doesn't do her justice. Keep in mind; there were no fancy recording studios. You didn't get to record multiple tracks and cut and splice what sounded good. No one "re-mixed" your voice. You sang it live, with the musicians, and it was imprinted on the vinyl.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Study Says Daylight Saving Time May Waste Energy, Increase Pollution

Lifted from:
Posted By: Steven Volynets

Earlier this month we all had to do what I cynically refer to as the obligatory clock walk. That's when all the clocks and watches around the house had to be sprung one hour forward for the daylight saving time (DTS).
Yet, scrambling to advance time and catch more sunlight - a practice that was originally established to reduce the country's electricity usage - may actually cost us 1.21 gigawatts of power. The figure came by way of a UC Santa Barbara study of the state of Indiana, where DTS has only been observed for the past few years.
According to Gizmodo, the study concluded that an added hour may have reduced the need for extra lighting. However, air-conditioning in the summer and heating in the fall were used more than they would with less daylight. This cost Indiana residents roughly $8.6 million more in energy bills annually with the additional $5.3 million per year in "increased pollution costs". Go figure!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

In Search of Mike

OK so in the spirit of silly, and with April 1 looming, this from the Otto Vault.

I cannot say who. (there may still be some need for protection.) But I can say, circa 1970, high school.

I'm quite sure it would be impossible for this chemistry to occur today. And even then, only in Minnesota.

Utterly real, and unrehearsed.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Sunday, March 16, 2008

This one's for Betty (Wink)

2nd runner up

Another live version with actual songs, actually being sung, by actual people.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Greatest Song EVAR!

At least in the Pop category

I like this version, because it's obviously live. He's actually singing the actual words into an actual microphone.

This is my nominee for best pop song EVAR!
You got a better one? Let me know.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Because I'm shameless

My second video

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Quote of the day.

Picked up another link at Conservative Grapevine. Dave Barry has got to be one of the funniest people I have ever read, and this article has a great one:

I was a fraud, a hypocrite, a liar. I was practically a member of Congress.

Kinda makes one think of Mark Twain. Mr. Barry is actually referring to a fairly serious issue, but he still makes it funny.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

Man clings to girlfriend's car in fight Sun Feb 24, 8:12 AM ET (-AP)
HAVERSTRAW, N.Y. - A man fighting with his girlfriend clung to a car roof and punched her through the window as she drove more than a mile on a busy road, hitting several other cars, police said.
Both were hurt in the brawl Saturday and were arrested, police Sgt. Manfredo Figueroa said.
The man, William Kremer, apparently jumped onto the car and held on as girlfriend Stacey Sperrazza wove along Route 202 with the car's air bag inflated, police said. She eventually stopped the car and hit him with it, police said.
Sperrazza, 37, of Stony Point, was arrested on a felony charge of reckless endangerment. Kremer, 42, of Haverstraw, was arrested on a misdemeanor assault charge.
No telephone numbers could be found for the two. Police had no immediate information early Sunday on whether they had lawyers.
He was treated for a foot injury, she for eye and head wounds, police said.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Under the weather

That being my current state, my inner geek wondered where that came from. Aren't we always "under" the weather? Since the opposite would be "over" the weather (and I'm a bit delirious) I thought of three definitions.

Over the weather - Literally. as in a plane.
Over the weather - as in "the boss of". I think the Gorbical has that job.
Over the weather - as in sick of, "I am so over this weather!"

As with most idioms, this one is hard to track down. The best sounding answer I found here.

Moreover, the deck they were under was likely "the weather deck", meaning the most exposed deck on the ship, usually the foredeck (over the seamen's quarters at the front end of the ship) or the quarterdeck
(where the helm was located, high for a good view). Either way, if you needed to be sick, you wouldn't want to "toss your cookies" where the wind could toss them back in your face, nor would anyone with you want you to do so. You'd be firmly told to "under the weather" to be sick.

I'll leave you with that lovely mental image.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

A bit of Religious Humor:

I was visiting with a Mormon friend of mine the other day, when there was a knock at his door. Standing there was a very friendly man about my age, with his 6-year-old son in tow. He and his family were new to the area, and they were visiting local members of the Church, and giving out homemade cookies.
After the man left, my friend and I were devouring the cookies when I asked him, “Hey, if I eat these Mormon Cookies, do I become one?”

He responded, “No, you don’t. But if I ate a Catholic Cookie, would I become Catholic?”

“Yes!” I replied. “That’s the whole point!”

Friday, February 8, 2008

Virgin birth.

Well, this is certainly an interesting little story.

It definitely will make one sit up and take notice.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Mitt calls it Quits

Mitt Romney dropped out of the primaries @ CPAC today.
So now who the heck am I gonna vote for?
I'd sit this one out, except I hate doing that.
Haven't given Ron Paul enough thought. Maybe I'll look into that...


Nevermind. Ron Paul supporters are crazy, apparently.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

We hold these truths

Fun with Homonyms

My curious Daughter was going through my wallet today, when she found my Metro Card.

“What’s this for Dad?”

“It’s for the subway, in New York City” I said.

“’Eat Fresh?’” she asked.

I laughed and said, “No dear, not that Subway.”

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Shameless self promotion

This was my first video effort.
I hope you like.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Hey, Mars must be happy, it's smiling.

The Martians are at it again. They keep teasing us with images that make us wonder if there is life there or not. First there was the famous Face on Mars, but now they're getting silly, and there's a Smiley Face on Mars.

If you read the article, you'll find that this is not even the only one.

Other people say these are natural rock formations, but I say the Martians are messing with our heads. Heh.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Because Chase told me I could...


Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

She's such a bitch.

The Bottom Ten Reasons to Vote for John McCain

10. Liberals only pretend to like him.
9. Conservatives only pretend to like him.
8. So it would be four years of nothing new from DC.
7. No more stupid impeachment bumper stickers.
6. John is a Veteran.
5. So is Ron Paul.
4. Bush didn’t push the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy’s plans enough, even when he had a “mandate”.
3. We’re not getting “The Fence” anyway.
2. I get to go back to not liking the President, like all the cool kids.
1. John could actually win in November.

UPDATE 1: It's seems that D4 is clairvoyant. Check his comment and reflect.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

For Chase

Look ma, no monkeys!

Who's Your Candidate?

Well, since Fred dropped out of the race I've been trying to pick a Candidate to vote for. I tend to vote Republican and I still plan to. It's just that they all kinda sound the same: "I voted for it but they all voted against it!" or vice versa. Rudy seems a decent guy - and the way he handled 9/11 was nothing short of phenomenal - but I disagree with too many of his other policies. Mitt is a step in the right direction politically speaking- but nothing about the guy makes me really WANT to vote for him. It's more like, "I trust you more than the other guys, so here's my vote. Try not to mess up, ok?" Also, I don't suffer from short-term memory loss so don't get me started on John. And I never even heard of Mike before last month. Voting for Ron would be a lot like voting for Perot in ’88: many of his ideas sound good till you realize it just ain’t gonna happen.
Anyway, what do you think?

Seriously funny picture...

... over at Kim du Toit's site.

The caption fits the look perfectly.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Is "Insecure" the new watchword?

Since Rachel decided to take on the "10 Things You Should Never Say To A Woman", I thought I would take a shot at the "10 Things You Should Never Say To A Man", which was linked to in that article. This list was obviously written by someone who is Not A Real Man. If the article didn't attribute it to a man, I would suspect it had been written by a woman who wrote what she thought a Redneck would say.

1) "That looks cute."
For the most part, men hate cute. We don't want to hear about it, we don't want to see it, and we sure as hell don't want to be it. If we come down stairs after getting dressed and you tell us we look cute, there's a 100 percent chance we're changing. We're supposed to be your protector, your rock, and cute does not fit into that picture.

Sorry pal, but a Real Man understands that women often don't use the same language that men do. If they want to say that something we're wearing, or something we've built looks cute, then we'll take it as the compliment it was intended to be, and not get all insulted by it. Only an insecure boob would get upset by this.

2) "We need to talk."
These four words shut off a man's brain faster than long division. When men hear you say that they immediately go into flight mode. And anything they can do to get out of this conversation—and better yet, your apartment—they will. There are plenty of other ways to approach a delicate conversation, and getting us in a place where we feel comfortable is a good start.

OK, granted that "We need to talk" is indeed a signal that something is wrong, and that's never an inviting beginning because it means that unpleasant things are likely to be discussed, but come on now, this guy's reaction is something akin to taking headlong flight just because of seeing a beetle in your house.

"... shut off a man's brain faster than long division"? DUDE! Did you never go to school? Long division is something you should have mastered before 6th grade! How can that shut you down over that? "Anything they can do to get out"? Ladies, you should avoid a person who would react this way like the plague, because he only wants one thing, and it's NOT gazing into your eyes and wondering why you could possibly be interested in him.

3) "It's just a game."
Actually, it's not just a game. Sports are a major part of our lives and the outcome has as much to do with our mood as just about anything else. Is it fair? No. Is it right? No. Is it immature? Maybe. But it's life. Sometimes we just care too much. We understand that it doesn't make sense, but you should be happy that we're that passionate about something. Telling us that "it's just a game" is like us telling you that Oprah's just a talk show host.

YES, YOU CRETIN, IT IS "JUST A GAME", unless you have more money invested in bets than you can afford to lose. OK, so many guys can invest more emotion in watching a game than some women (not all) would think appropriate for a game, but instead of getting all pissy about it, just explain, "Yes, I know it's just a game, but when guys even watch other guys doing energetic and dangerous things, or engaging in head-to-head competition of strength and endurance, it gets our adrenaline pumping, and we get excited. It'll wear off after the game is over, but it also might just stay long enough for us to give you a little surprise, if you know what I mean *wink*.

4) "Nothing's wrong."
Please don't tell us nothing's wrong. The look on your face could make the toughest guy on the planet weep like a third-grade girl and your arms are crossed so tight you might explode. We're not mind readers; tell us what's going on. And don't make us guess because—believe me—you won't like what we come up with.

Well, even a stopped clock is right twice a day, I guess. This phrase really does strike fear into the hearts of men, because there's not really any instruction manual for dealing with it. I mean, even I, who has approximately the body-language reading skills of a sick wildabeest, can tell there's something wrong. I think the hyperbole was a little bit much on this one, but it certainly does mae us feel helpless when we can't get some idea what the problem is.

5) "I sound like my mom."
The mere fact that you might turn into your mom someday scares the hell out of us. Don't say it, even in jest—it's not funny. We actually believe (and pray) that the saying "every woman ends up looking like their mother" is an old wives' tale. If we didn't, no one would ever get married.

This has an interesting parallel to the "You sound just like your mom" quote from the other list. On the other hand, I've never heard any woman way this in real life, except when they have started saying things that they always used to complain about their mothers' saying when they were younger, trying to keep them from doing something stupid. Typically, this is an indication of gaining maturity and feeling responsibility, so it's generally a good thing, indicating that she's growing up. Generally, it's better to find someone who has already found that maturity and responsibility are good things, but if you're still young, that might be a little too much to ask for.

6) "I just want to be friends."
No you don't. You just want us to stop calling you. This is a lot like pulling off a band-aid. Do it quick—don't prolong the agony. Most of us take "I just want to be friends" as "There's still a chance," so if there isn't just make it a clean break and move on. Everyone will be much better because of it.

Good grief, dude, what are you, 16? Do you like her, or do you only want to get in her pants? Never mind, the rest of this list tells me the answer to that question. If you really think she deserves to be happy, then you'll back off and "just be friends". That way, if she was being reasonably direct, and actually wants to be friends, you will still get to spend some time with her sometimes, even if it's not the way you hoped for. And who knows? When she matures a little more, she may decide that a guy who has her back all the time really is the one she should be staying with. Because chances are that she's telling you this because you're not dangerous enough, and she's exceited by the Bad Boy type. If this is the reason, and she does mature, she's likely to look more closely at you, if you've always been there when she needed someone to talk to.

Of course, the other possibility for her saying this is that she thinks you're on the verge of stalking her, and that you'll be dangerous if she goes for the hard break. Take a look at the way you've been acting around her, and ask yourself if that could be the case. If it is, then go to her, apologize, and get on with your life.

7) "Size doesn't matter."
Don't lie to us. We know it does, and we're doing our best to make up for it in other ways. It's best just to not say anything at all.

Insecure much? Real Men know that size doesn't really matter, and they wouldn't be putting off a vibe that would make her think that she needs to tell you that. When we're trying to please her, it doesn't matter if it requires some other techniques to achieve, and most Real Women don't care, either. I do feel sorry for the insecure guys out there, though. Now, it's Politically Incorrect to go and get the sportscar or monster SUV in compensation for their insecurity, so they will get looked down upon for that, too. Real Men get SUVs for doing work, or Sportscars for a little fun once in a while, and don't really care if the enviroweenies look down their noses at us.

8) "What are you wearing?"
We're wearing whatever's clean or whatever you tell us to. We don't plan out our wardrobe days in advance, but we do actually try and look presentable. It may not work a lot of the time, but we do give it a shot. Giving us direction is completely encouraged though, so go ahead and suggest … nicely.

First of all, you twit, she's asking that question so SHE can plan HER wardrobe to go with yours. Don't get your pee-pee all bent out of shape (When she asks, "Are you wearing THAT?", though, look out). She cares about coordinating your dress more than whether you're going to look OK, at least with this question.

Unless, of course, you've given her reason to be suspicious of your wardrobe choices, in which case, why have you? Do you go to semi-formal parties wearing torn jeans and t-shirt? Or are you just being insecure, again?

Still, we are willing to take suggestions, ladies, for what to wear, because we know it will sometimes make your choices easier.

9) "Do you think she's pretty?"
Of course we do, our standards are much lower than yours. But just because we check her out doesn't mean we think any less of you. We try to be as discreet as possible, but for the most part, we can't help it. It's in our DNA. When an attractive woman walks by, it's best to just pretend nothing happened.

First of all, if this is a dangerous question, then either you have a neurotic woman on your hands, or you've given her reason to think that you're cheating on her, because a Real Woman will either know that you think that woman is pretty, while being secure in the fact that you're with her, and not ask the question in the first place, or else she is still trying to determine the boundaries of your taste, possibly with thoughts on what other styles of hair or clothes she may try out for you.

Second, why are you so insecure, again?

10) "Which outfit do you like better?"
I'm going to be honest here—90 percent of the guys out there are not going to tell you which outfit they like better: They're going to try to pick the one you like better and not get into a holy war when the babysitter is due any minute. To us, you always look good. Getting a couple cocktails and spending as much time as we can without the kids is our ultimate goal for a rare night out.

Well, here's almost another one that I can agree with, but again, if this is a dangerous question for you, why are you with her again? If this is not an honest question because she can't quite make up her mind, then perhaps you need to re-examine why you're with her. Plus one for the "To us, you always look good" line, though.

All in all, this list seems to be written by a neurotic teenager, rather than a man. Unfortunately, that seems to be what a lot of so-called men are like, nowadays, though.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Sorry, Unquiet

Oklahoma Rawks!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

The Best Of Bluegrass - Roll in My Sweet Baby's Arms

From the request line

Proof of life

If this doesn't set your toes a tappin'; you're dead.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Coyote catches Road Runner

A classic

For alexa kim

An oldie but a goodie.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

We miss you Johnny!

The Tip Jar

I'm certainly not doing this to make money. I have a blast here in the Lounge and it's all due to the great folks who drop by to visit. Some of you, though have expressed an interest in helping to defray the minimal costs and maybe get some fresh peanuts for the bar so I put a PayPal link under The Dougman. If you feel so inclined.

Maybe we can upgrade the chaty thing or move this off of Blogspot.

Also, if there's a particular song (or cartoon) you're hankering for, leave a request in comments. We aim to please.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Kill the Wabbit!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

For Monster

The quality sucks. Sorry.

By special request

Friday, January 11, 2008

A new tradition

This is going to be the weekly Friday post.

'Cause it says it all.



Rachel posted this one a few months back. She says it better than I could. There was one comment that caught my eye.
"A female Joe Cocker" Hah!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Don't tell 'em I'm here!

After much taunting, MuscleDaddy and the boss, Chase, finally showed last night.
Unfortunately, after calling their mothers hamsters and saying they throw like girls, I had to leave or get keeled.

Roll Call:

qwer and Mr. P were early leavers

I think we need to have a Ladies night. Free virtual beer!

And no lines to the restrooms. That'll do it.